As a society, we seem to be "easily bothered." Many of us are
"chronically bothered" by things that are simply counter-productive
for us to be focusing on. Asking yourself "what is it costing me?" is
a powerful question because it gives you the wisdom to understand,
on a deep level, that "it’s just not worth it."
A mental snowball occurs whenever you allow
negative thoughts to build up and race out of control. It’s the
mental equivalent of your tires being stuck in the mud. The more you
spin the wheels, the deeper you’re stuck. Although mental snowballs
happen all year, they’re particularly present during the holidays.
Once pleasant thoughts of seeing friends and family can quickly
snowball into stress over shopping, cooking, cleaning, traveling,
family tensions, disappointing childhood memories, and on and on. See
how fast the snowball gathers momentum? This holiday season, make a
decision to melt your mental snowballs and experience the holidays for
what they were meant to be - a joyful time of peace, comfort and
thanksgiving.
5 steps to melt any mental snowball:
1. Write it down, write it
down, write it down.
When you begin to
snowball, immediately grab a piece of paper and write down whatever is
going on in your mind at that moment. What exactly are you thinking?
What exactly are you saying to yourself? The act of writing out your
thoughts and clearly defining your snowball helps you focus on and
destroy the catalyst for your negative thoughts.
Just “thinking things through” is unrealistic when your mind is
racing and bouncing in a million different directions.
2. Identify the thought distortion
in your snowball.
Mental snowballs are
generated from unrealistic and distorted thoughts, often reflecting
“worst case scenario” thinking. When you write out your thoughts you
expose this thinking in black and white. Take a look at what you wrote
in step 1. Do you recognize any of the following thought
distortions?
Jumping
to conclusions - without any credible evidence, you predict things
will turn out badly.
Over
generalizing - you view a single negative event as an infinite
pattern of defeat, using such words as “never” and “always.”
All-or-nothing
thinking - if a situation falls short of your expectations of
perfection, you see it as a total disaster.
Mental
filtering - you pick out one negative detail and dwell on it until
you can’t see anything else, discarding any positive thoughts
along the way.
Mind
reading - you assume without any evidence or verification that
others are reacting negatively to you, are angry with you, etc.
Control
delusions - you either feel that you have total responsibility for
everything and everybody, or you feel that you have no control or
influence and you’re a helpless victim.
Emotional
reasoning - you assume that things are in reality the way you feel
about them emotionally.
Disregarding
the positive- you overlook any positive occurrences or actions by
insisting they don’t matter. Everyone around you may see that
you’ve done well, but you may tell yourself it wasn’t good
enough or doesn’t count.
Self
blaming - you blame yourself for things that may not really be your
fault, under your control, or your responsibility.
Labeling
- you call yourself or others a global name when you or they make a
mistake.
Personalizing
- you assume that everything has something to do with you, and you
tend to compare yourself negatively to everyone else.
3. Talk back to your
distortion.
After identifying
which of the distorted thoughts underlies your mental snowball, talk
back to them and poke holes in the logic that appears to support the
distortion. Come up with counter arguments, as if you were participating
in a debate and your goal was to knock out your opponent’s position.
Read your writing out loud. Respond to each assertion you wrote with one
of the following questions or statements:
“How
do I know for sure?”
“What
evidence do I have?”
“What
is the probability that is going to happen?”
“Maybe,
maybe not.”
“I’ll
cross that bridge when I come to it.”
“One
day at a time.”
“Perhaps.”
“I’m
jumping to conclusions.”
This step will help
you identify whether you are accepting your thoughts as facts without
first assessing reality.
4. Exaggerate the snowball until it
becomes ridiculous.
Psychologist Albert
Ellis calls this technique “awfulizing.” In your mind or on paper,
exaggerate your negative thinking and extend your snowball to the most
ridiculous degree. The inherent humor in exaggeration counteracts the
physical effects of the stress and panic that accompany mental
snowballs. If you can ridicule the snowball, it won’t have power over
you anymore. You can do this one on paper, but it works even better if
you have the courage to say it out loud to a trusted friend.
5. Attack the process of snowball
thinking by asking,
“What is this costing me?”
If you can’t
identify any distortions, focus instead on the process of snowball
thinking rather than the content of your thoughts. Ask yourself the
questions, “What is it costing me to engage in snowball thinking?
How does a mental snowball help my situation?” Make a list of the
advantages and disadvantages of snowball thinking. One person shared
with me that he engaged in snowball thinking whenever he thought about
his wife, who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. He melted this
snowball with the following thoughts: “My wife does have cancer, and I
can’t change that fact, but the more I get worked up over this, the
less I’m going to be able to be there for her. Also, the more she sees
that I’ve lost it, the more she will lose it.” A powerful example
that
attacking the process itself can work in even the most difficult
circumstances.
Remember, the goal is not to control every negative thought you ever
have, but rather to control whether or not you focus on your negative
thoughts and allow them to snowball. As one recent seminar participant
told me, “There is so much snow in the world, and I’m surrounded by
it, but it is so empowering and uplifting to realize I am in charge of
what I let snowball.” Imagine what your life would be like if you
melted just half your snowballs. What if you melted them 5 minutes
faster than you used to? Give the techniques above a try and see what
happens. Believe you’re in charge of it and you can do it!
About the Author
Kevin
Stacey helps companies and professionals achieve maximum productivity
and effectiveness through stress management and time management
training. He is available to speak on these topics.
For more information visit http://www.TrainRightInc.com
or call 1-800-603-7168.
