We all have situations in our lives that are not
the way we would like them to be. Unfortunately, many people hold onto
their problems far too long and allow them to chronically bother
them. I find that many folks are experts in their own problems. Not in
solving them, but in thinking about them and describing them to others!
The hallmark of the mature adult is the willingness to accept full
responsibility for all of life’s circumstances. If something is
bothering you, then it’s your problem; you own it and are responsible
for taking action to resolve it.
Here are the choices:
Choice #1. Change it if you can- attempt to
communicate. We can’t change people, places, or things; the only thing
we can control is ourselves. Since many of the things that chronically
bother us revolve around interpersonal situations, we often forget that
other people are not mind readers, and that we solve communication
problems by communicating. So, we try. We let the other person know what
it is we want that we’re not getting, or what we’re getting that we
don’t want. Communicating in an assertive, professional manner lets
everyone know where you stand. You can’t control the other person’s
reaction, and you may not change his or her behavior, but communicating
helps you feel better and brings you to the point where you can say,
“I’ve done everything I can.”
If you’re unable to change the situation:
Choice #2. Accept it/let to go.
Just make a decision to stop sweating over it. Interrupt yourself
when you find you are about to talk or think about it. Remind
yourself what it’s costing you to keep giving the situation your
limited energy. It’s helpful here to use a specific phrase that
you say to yourself or some other mental routine to stop yourself
from focusing in the problem. Letting
go can be a process, and it’s perfectly natural to have to express
your emotions about a situation before being able to let it go.
After allowing yourself some time to do that, ask yourself the
question, “At what point is this becoming counter-productive?”
Choice #3. Reframe it or look at it differently. The situation is
the same, but you transcend it by looking at it in a different light
or from a different angle. This is what Stephen Covey would
call a paradigm shift. A reframe can be as simple as expressing
gratitude for what is right instead of focusing on what is wrong.
With other people’s behavior, it may be seeing their
vulnerabilities, insecurities, challenges, or the
innocence in their actions.
Choice #4. Leave it/walk away.
Sometimes you just have to say, “I’m outa here.” Some situations
are just not meant to be. Often there is no one to blame, but life
changes and the best choice may be to move on to something new. Give
yourself the permission to do that. This choice takes courage, but
in many cases, you end up better off in the long run. I think we all
know of people that should have left a situation 10 years ago, but
for some reason stay and are chronically bothered, either inwardly
or outwardly complaining. What does that cost them?
To be able to make one of these choices, it’s
imperative that you don’t deny or fight your current reality. You’ll
notice you’re doing this when you find yourself saying the words “I
can’t believe ________.” Believe it, because that’s the reality
you’re currently faced with. A better question to ask yourself is,
“What’s the next best thing I can do?”
For those of you with a spiritual connection in
your life, you may recognize the Serenity Prayer intertwined in the
above choices. Isn’t serenity the opposite emotion of being bothered?
So we pray for that and say, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.”
About the Author
Kevin
Stacey helps companies and professionals achieve maximum productivity
and effectiveness through stress management and time management
training. He is available to speak on these topics.
For more information visit http://www.TrainRightInc.com
or call 1-800-603-7168.
